Last week I even managed another 'first' in my sobriety. I had arranged for a friend to come over for a meal and for a catch up whilst Mr W was doing a late shift. Wine has always been involved... Lots of it too. As per my previous post, I had mentioned that I wouldn't be drinking alcohol. On the morning of the night she was coming over I got a text asking if I minded if she brought herself a bottle. "No, I don't mind" I said, while thinking fuck, this is going to be a real test.
I passed that test with flying colours. The fact that she was drinking wine and I had my sparkling elderflower did not bother me at all. She did ask if my not drinking was a fad/health kick or if it was a forever thing. I explained that I was intending it to be a forever thing because I'd come to the conclusion that I was drinking way to much, I can't moderate and I was sick of looking and feeling like crap every day. She didn't drink all of it and left a quarter of a bottle in my fridge when she went home.
That quarter bottle was still in the fridge the next morning and I realised that it had never even entered my head that I could have drunk it and no-one would have known it was me... Except me of course.
When my hubby got up, he asked if I'd had a good night (reading between the lines .... Did you drink wine?). I told him yes, I'd had a great night and it was completely AF. With a great flourish (now it seems like It was with too much flourish), I got that bottle of out the fridge and tipped the remaining wine down the sink. It smelled awful!
This last week, I have started to feel a little complacent about being sober. I really don't think that I should be feeling that I'm fine, I'm over that little problem with alcohol that 'I had'. I am never going to be over that 'little' problem. It wasn't (isn't?) little it was BIG.
Whilst I feel and look much much healthier - those suitcases I was carrying under my eyes have gone and my face has a bit of radiance to it - I realise that I have mentally come to a point where I need to take stock and list those pro's and con's .. If only to help me realise why I shouldn't become too complacent. I think to become so, may be a slippery slope to alcohol oblivion and I don't want that.
Just saw your post at SM's and wanted to say - Congratulations!! It,s a big, big achievement! Plus, the stance of openness you've adopted in several situations should be a good way to 'nip in tte bud' comments and social difficulties. It IS your life, your decision, your well -being.....so do it your way!
ReplyDeleteContinued success to you. It's not easy but the rewards (goodbye eye bags!!) are soooo worth it.
Congratulations on stacking up the days, keep at it!
ReplyDeleteHey! I just discovered your blog and am starting at the beginning. I love how raw and honest you are ! I can sooo relate to all of this beginning stuff with the wary husband. I haven’t gotten past 2017 August yet but I gotta day your hubby is bugging me! I know I’d be prob doing the same in his position but he’s so suspicious and doubting I want to smack him! :). Excited to keep reading your journey.
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