After 25 days of being sober, last night was the first night when I would truly be alone. The first few days, Hubby was off work so I had his company to distract me as he did during our holidays. The first few days after our holiday, I knew the girls would be back home at some point and I had also arranged to pick hubby up from work when he finished just after 8pm - I could because I was SOBER!
Last night was different. Hubby was doing a late shift, the older daughter was out all night and the younger one wouldn't be back until after 9pm. Easy, I thought. I made my plans to keep me occupied. I wasn't too worried. Yes, the wine witch has been sitting on my shoulder whispering her sweet nothings to me (see, you've gone this long without a drink... You can moderate... Give it a go! You probably won't even like the taste anymore, but give it a go!). Usually, I've been able to kick her are into touch fairly easily.
Well, after work I went to the supermarket headed towards the home baking section when I walked past an end aisle filled with cans of cider and different ales I think. BAM!! The wine witch practically screamed at me "go on. Just one, that's all you need. No-one will know. You can drink it and get rid of the can, you won't even get tipsy!!!!" I could picture my hand reaching for one. I was so shocked with how strong this 'craving' was, I felt physically sick. I'm sure all colour drained from my face.
Then, I pictured what I imagined I had done during my most recent blackout (pissed myself), then I pictured another time when I fell over in the back garden and could barely get back up. That did the trick. I knew / know I won't stop at one drink.
Back home I was fine, but that episode has got me thinking hard. This is going to be my life for the foreseeable future. I can never ever drink alcohol again.... But surely I shouldn't be thinking 'I can't'. I should be thinking 'I don't want to'.
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