My Health:
I've just been looking in the bathroom mirror. I'm a mess. My hair is lank and greasy because I couldn't be bothered to get showered this morning. I was hungover and felt like shit. I've got bags under my eyes and I look gaunt. I'm getting niggly pains in my body and I cannot kid myself that my back pain is caused by sleeping awkwardly. It's not, it's my kidneys processing the toxins.
I'm so tired of being sick and tired thinking about alcohol. When can I have it, where will I get it and how much can I have?
All alcohol does to me is make me tired.... I get home from work, wine o'clock is generally 6 o'clock and by 8.30pm I'm pretty much knackered and ready to pass out into bed. I have no life - the wine sees to that.
Tomorrow... On the first day of 2017, I intend to do 'dry January'. I hope to succeed beyond this. I know it will be hard but I have to give it a go.
There are many many reasons why I want to be sober. I'd like to list them here as and when I need to and re-read them when I falter, because falter I will.
Saturday 31 December 2016
Thursday 29 December 2016
Brutal Honesty?
It's way past time that I was brutally honest with myself. I hate the word 'alcoholic' - when I see or hear that word, my mind summons up that bloke that I see standing outside the corner shop with his bottle of cheap cider slurring and staggering about. But, I know I'm no different to him. I'm exactly the same - I just do it in the comfort of my own home.
I'm trying to think of the 'Pros' of drinking alcohol and, to be honest, I'm finding it hard. What does it do to me? Well, it relaxes me. Actually, it doesn't - that's the wine witch talking. What it does is make me tired and off I go to bed.
The 'Cons'? I can think of loads of them. I'm busy compiling a mental list of those and I'll write them down here soon so that, when the wine witch is jumping up and down behind me, I can re-read my list.
I've known for a long time that my drinking is out of control and, for the past year or so, I've been reading lots of sober blogs. Mummy was a secret drinker, Wine Bitch and One Crafty Mother have been particularly helpful.
I've decided to quit drinking alcohol (and the cigarettes - although I think that will be a breeze compared to the alcohol). My aim here is to write about the awful side of my drinking to remind myself why I have such self-loathing and why I disgust myself every day.
I'm trying to think of the 'Pros' of drinking alcohol and, to be honest, I'm finding it hard. What does it do to me? Well, it relaxes me. Actually, it doesn't - that's the wine witch talking. What it does is make me tired and off I go to bed.
The 'Cons'? I can think of loads of them. I'm busy compiling a mental list of those and I'll write them down here soon so that, when the wine witch is jumping up and down behind me, I can re-read my list.
I've known for a long time that my drinking is out of control and, for the past year or so, I've been reading lots of sober blogs. Mummy was a secret drinker, Wine Bitch and One Crafty Mother have been particularly helpful.
I've decided to quit drinking alcohol (and the cigarettes - although I think that will be a breeze compared to the alcohol). My aim here is to write about the awful side of my drinking to remind myself why I have such self-loathing and why I disgust myself every day.
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