Wednesday 4 July 2018

Hiding Places

I'm going on holiday in a couple of days, but when we get back we are having some work done to the house so I have been desperately trying to sort out my holiday clothes (unfortunately none of them fit anymore due to the weight gain) and clearing out a storage cupboard that is crammed full of ... shit  .... to make way for new pipework, etc.

I pulled out a couple of refuse sacks filled with old Christmas decorations, an old vacuum cleaner that doesn't work (why do we keep this stuff), The Husbands golf caddy that was used twice .... and came across a bottle of red wine - opened with only about an inch of the stuff left in the bottom.  I'd come across a former hiding place.  I know it has been there for at least a year (seeing as I am 361 days sober), but I immediately remembered knowing that I had hidden a bottle of wine somewhere in that cupboard but not being able to find it when I went looking for it to get rid of the evidence (I'd have swigged the rest of the wine first).  My next thought was that I must have been a contortionist to have put it where it was .... or very determined not to get caught out.  Then I felt shame:  How bad had I become?

But, you know I hid booze everywhere in the house.  I was an expert at it.  Some of you lovely sober people out there might identify with these hiding places (if, indeed you did hide booze like me):


  • In plain sight - in a water bottle in my handbag (no-one would dare go in to my handbag).
  • In my wardrobe.... this is where my husband found my empty water bottle that had been filled with vodka.
  • In my knicker drawer ... under my knickers.  Not long ago, when having a clothes clearout, I did come across a pair of knickers stained with red wine.... Gross!
  • Under my bed, hidden in unused handbags.
  • In the bathroom cabinet where I store towels.  I'd hide the bottle underneath all the towels.
  • In my daughters bedrooms when they weren't at home.
  • In the kitchen cupboards .... right at the back where you need an extra long arm to reach something.
  • In the car .... underneath the seats or in the box I keep in the boot.  These were usually the empties, so that I could dispose of them somewhere else other than home.
  • In the garden .... this was a pretty good place when I smoked.  It worked better when the nights got darker earlier (Autumn and Winter) I'd get home from work and squirrel the bottle of whatever behind a plant pot.  Then, when I went outside for a cigarette, I would have a sneaky drink too.  I used to fall over in the garden loads of times and face plant the grass.
I have to hand it to myself - I was pretty resourceful!  All of this was so that my husband and daughters wouldn't see how much I was drinking.  How awful is that?

Luckily, I found the hidden bottle of wine and not my husband - that would have been AWKWARD!  I still have that element of sneakiness about me though - I emptied the remaining wine out (it was definately off) and disposed of the empty bottle in the external refuse bin .... right at the bottom.

I did beat myself up a bit about finding the bottle and then remembering/thinking of all my other hiding places, but this morning I have picked myself up and given myself the frame of mind that "That was in the past - things have moved on, I've sober for almost one year and ... I wasn't as clever as I thought I was - If I were, I'd have gotten rid of that bottle long before now."

10 comments:

  1. I remember all my hiding places, too! I can look back now, and see how addiction made me act in ways that were not true to me!
    The past is gone forever, but I do remember it so I can keep from repeating my mistakes!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. I like that Wendy: the past is gone forever! It's very wise though that we should remember . Xx

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  2. Ah. The hiding. It just added to the fear and regret and tension.

    Free and sober are so much better!

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    1. There was nothing worse than remembering that you had forgotten to get rid of the evidence. If at work, I would obsess about it all day... Worried that my hiding space had been found.

      You are so right.... Free and sober is so much better x

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  3. The logistics of secret drinking can be complex and time consuming but my guess is that those who blog about hiding places are SUPERSTARS!!!!

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    1. Secret drinking is very complex and time consuming ... we think we are very good at hiding it, but in most cases we are not. x

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  4. The panic when I drank a "special" bottle of wine that we were supposed to have been saving, the drive to dispose of the bottle the next day, and the near hysteria as a went from store to store to find the exact brand to replace it, and the near jammer when it was $50, then a trip to get cash, so the purchase wouldn't show on the bank statement. Do.not.miss.that.at.all.

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    1. Hi Jackie - I did that too: I would get cash out for my 'booze fund'. Just so that no-one knew just how much I was spending (except me). That's why my finances were going from bad to worse. x

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  5. Every now and then when I go to get the bottle of cider vinegar out of the pantry, I feel the side of my mouth twitch because there is just cider vinegar in it now. But when I was drinking I would sometimes empty out the cider vinegar and fill it with tequila. Exactly the same color. No one in the house was interested in cider vinegar except me, the cook. Perfect hiding place. I'll be 4 years sober in September but when I go to get cider vinegar, I get a flashback. Thanks for this post. I don't miss the hide-the-product and hide-the-empty-bottle chores. Peace.

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    1. It's such a weight off your shoulders isn't it? I would also do things like top up wine bottles with water. My husband once was bought a bottle of whisky and I would I would take a drink every now and then and then top it up with water so it looked untouched. Daft or what? x

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