I pulled out a couple of refuse sacks filled with old Christmas decorations, an old vacuum cleaner that doesn't work (why do we keep this stuff), The Husbands golf caddy that was used twice .... and came across a bottle of red wine - opened with only about an inch of the stuff left in the bottom. I'd come across a former hiding place. I know it has been there for at least a year (seeing as I am 361 days sober), but I immediately remembered knowing that I had hidden a bottle of wine somewhere in that cupboard but not being able to find it when I went looking for it to get rid of the evidence (I'd have swigged the rest of the wine first). My next thought was that I must have been a contortionist to have put it where it was .... or very determined not to get caught out. Then I felt shame: How bad had I become?
But, you know I hid booze everywhere in the house. I was an expert at it. Some of you lovely sober people out there might identify with these hiding places (if, indeed you did hide booze like me):
- In plain sight - in a water bottle in my handbag (no-one would dare go in to my handbag).
- In my wardrobe.... this is where my husband found my empty water bottle that had been filled with vodka.
- In my knicker drawer ... under my knickers. Not long ago, when having a clothes clearout, I did come across a pair of knickers stained with red wine.... Gross!
- Under my bed, hidden in unused handbags.
- In the bathroom cabinet where I store towels. I'd hide the bottle underneath all the towels.
- In my daughters bedrooms when they weren't at home.
- In the kitchen cupboards .... right at the back where you need an extra long arm to reach something.
- In the car .... underneath the seats or in the box I keep in the boot. These were usually the empties, so that I could dispose of them somewhere else other than home.
- In the garden .... this was a pretty good place when I smoked. It worked better when the nights got darker earlier (Autumn and Winter) I'd get home from work and squirrel the bottle of whatever behind a plant pot. Then, when I went outside for a cigarette, I would have a sneaky drink too. I used to fall over in the garden loads of times and face plant the grass.
I have to hand it to myself - I was pretty resourceful! All of this was so that my husband and daughters wouldn't see how much I was drinking. How awful is that?
Luckily, I found the hidden bottle of wine and not my husband - that would have been AWKWARD! I still have that element of sneakiness about me though - I emptied the remaining wine out (it was definately off) and disposed of the empty bottle in the external refuse bin .... right at the bottom.
I did beat myself up a bit about finding the bottle and then remembering/thinking of all my other hiding places, but this morning I have picked myself up and given myself the frame of mind that "That was in the past - things have moved on, I've sober for almost one year and ... I wasn't as clever as I thought I was - If I were, I'd have gotten rid of that bottle long before now."