Almost One Year Sober

On the 7th July 2018 I will have been sober for one whole year!  Who'd have thought it?

This year, I'll be celebrating my one year sober anniversary sunning myself on a hot sandy beach.  It's something I would not be doing if I was still drinking.  I wouldn't have been able to afford it.

I've spent the last couple of days reflecting about the last year:  how I've coped, how being sober has benefitted me (and those around me) and what would have happened had I not stopped drinking.

I have to say that I am almost grateful that I had my personal 'rock bottom' moment.  It is still very fresh in my memory and, whenever I begin to romanticise my drinking days, I think of this time and of other times.  These memories still make me feel incredibly shameful.  I suppose it's one of my sober tools.  I do think this 'sober tool' of shaming myself isn't going to be good for me in the long term - I mean, how long should I beat myself up for?  I am beginning to concentrate on the many, many good things of being sober:  I can go to watch a film late at night and drive home.  I can pick my husband up at midnight.  On Monday night, I picked my younger daughter up from a concert.  BECAUSE I WAS SOBER!

I have no doubt that, had that night not happened, I would have continued to drink and I would have just gotten better at hiding it - especially the water bottles filled with vodka.  Who knows where I'd be.  Perhaps I would be like my friend's husband who has severe liver disease.  Perhaps my husband would have left me.  Perhaps my two wonderful daughters were not speaking to me.  Perhaps I might have lost my job.  Perhaps ..................

But, BECAUSE I AM SOBER, my relationship with my family has improved immensely, my finances are looking up and I am healthy.

Best of all:  I AM FREE!  I can honestly say that it is so liberating and such a weight off my shoulders that I no longer have to think about how, where, when and why I am going to get my next drink.

This last year hasn't been plain sailing - of course it hasn't.  Stopping drinking means you have to change yourself.  You have to give yourself a good hard look and a damn good shake.  You have to admit that you cannot moderate.  Alcohol is not good for you and you cannot ever drink booze again.  That is incredibly hard, but it does get easier when you start to see the benefits.

I am truly excited to see what the next year holds for me.  Whether there are ups and downs, I am prepared.  I know I can handle it.  BECAUSE I AM SOBER AND FREE! XX