We were having a chat and she was explaining how she was doing things and mentioned she had obtained a bit of vodka (that was in a water bottle) from a friend so that she can mix the powder to paint the icing. I was not phased, nor bothered by this and really didn't give it a second thought.
Then she left the house and I went into a cupboard to get tin foil out.... There, on the top shelf is the water bottle with an inch of vodka in it. I could smell it as soon as I opened the cupboard. I really, really wanted it. The wine/vodka witch was straight there... Telling me I could have a sip, have a taste, I won't like it anyway..... No-one will know... Top it up with water...
I think that this is the first time that I have really felt a really strong craving for alcohol. Before, I have yearned for a drink but I don't think I have really physically felt this bad before. I am shocked that after all this time of being sober that I can still experience this. I am really sad to realise that I still really have a problem being around alcohol. Sure, I'm fine being around other people drinking. I have had a left over bottle of wine in my fridge before .... But insidious vodka in my home? No.
I can't blame my daughter. She won't have realised that it might have this effect on me. It didn't enter any of our heads. But should I ask her to be more thoughtful in future? Do I want my family to know that they still might not be able to trust me?
I am pleased to report that after a bit of pacing around the house and a bit of hand wringing, I gave myself a mental smack across the face. I have been sober for 42 weeks. Dos I really want to give that up for a sip of poison? I've managed to distract myself by putting some washing away and running myself a bath with lots of bubbles.... So, I'm enjoying a soak in the bath whilst looking at reviews for hotel we are staying at when we go on holiday (and blogging on here). I wouldn't be doing this if I were not sober. Luckily, Mr W will be home from work too! Xx