Alcohol, health and anxiety

Back in 2015 I started to feel pretty unwell.  I was losing my appetite, I was losing weight, I wasn't sleeping well, I was lethargic to the point that I really had to force myself to even get ready in the morning to go to work.  Then, on the walk to the office I would feel like I was going to vomit, I felt hot, sweaty and shaky.  Often, I would have to stop and sit down for a minute or two.  Then, this feeling started to continue when I arrived at work and would have to exchange the usual pleasantries with my boss - I would have a hot flush and go bright red.  I wondered if I was beginning to have an early menopause and hoped these feelings and symptoms wouldn't last too long.

After a little while, I got worse.  My hot flushes, nausea and shakiness would happen again throughout the day - particularly when I was having to interact with other people.  It was almost like I was nervous.  I found that sometimes I couldn't speak properly, I couldn't remember how to say the words I was thinking and then couldn't even think of the word I was trying to say.  I couldn't write in front of other people or even sign my name, which was particularly difficult seeing as part of my job is to write and sign my name!  I would get that fight or flight feeling and I often would have to get up and leave the room on the pretense of getting a drink of water or going to the loo.

Everytime I had to interact with another person I felt like this.  I began to realise that I was suffering from anxiety.  During this time I was drinking and smoking heavily and deep down I knew that this was the cause of my anxiety.  The wine witch, however, told me that it was nothing to do with her.  She helped me deal with my feelings better.  She gave me courage!  I was convincing myself that I had something seriously wrong with me ... I had a serious illness like cancer, or I was going to have a heart attack.  I was convinced that one day, I just wouldn't wake up.  I would die in my sleep.  I continued to drink copious amounts of wine and vodka.  It never entered my mind to try and stop or at least not drink as much.  I actually think I drank more.

Then, these 'anxiety attacks' started to affect my personal life even more.  Meeting a family member in Costa for a coffee?  No chance.  Once, my older daughter took me out for lunch.  All I wanted to do was leave and I certainly couldn't eat the meal I'd ordered.

I plucked up the courage to go and see a Doctor.  Of course, I didn't tell her the extent of my problems and I certainly did not admit to drinking excessively.  When she asked me the usual health questions, I admitted to the odd glass of wine here and there.... 

The Doctor took some blood to test but agreed that I might be starting an early menopause.  The blood test would confirm this, but in the meantime I should start and think about if I wanted to begin taking HRT.  This was great news!  See!  I did have something wrong with me.  It wasn't the drinking at all!

After a couple of days, the Doctor rang.  My blood test had shown my hormone levels were normal, but the liver function test they had done had shown some abnormalities.  My insides threatened to dissolve and depart my body..... I had liver damage I was sure.  It turned out that I had a couple of vitamin deficiencies .... B12 and D.  I'm positive these were caused by my drinking.  My alcohol consumption was preventing my body from producing and processing the things that are meant to keep you healthy.

A course of vitamin D tablets and B12 injections made a massive difference to me ..... but I still kept on bloody drinking!  I still wasn't quite right.

But, I can honestly say that since becoming sober, I know longer suffer from anxiety to the extent that I did.  Sure, there's been a couple of times when I've started to feel it bubbling to the surface but now I can put it back in its box because I can deal with my feelings better.

Without a doubt (for me) quitting the booze has had a huge positive impact on my health and mental well-being.