I had arranged to go and visit a longstanding friend after work and have tea last night. I had purposely arranged it for a week day night because I would have my car and wouldn't be tempted to have 'just one' teeny weeny glass of wine.
Everything went really well. The fact that my friend and her husband were drinking wine (and lots of it too) really did not bother me at all. I was absolutely not tempted in the slightest, but at about 8.30pm, their tipsiness was beginning to get on my nerves a bit. I know I'm being a bit hypocritical here, but the husband began to repeat himself quite a bit.
I took this as my cue to depart and I smugly drove home.
My smugness stopped when I walked into the house. My husband looked me up and down and came over to give me a kiss - with a sniff just before the kiss. "Had a drink?" he asked. I immediately said no, but do you know when you get that feeling that you are protesting too much? I felt like that. "Mmm, must be garlic or something I can smell then" he said. I told him I'd just had flavoured water.
I just made myself a cup of tea and took myself upstairs to read my book for a bit and do some blog reading.
So today, I'm angry. A little bit with the husband for not trusting me, but mainly I am really mad with myself.
I did this. No-one or anything else. Me.
I came across a post written by Untipsy Teacher's husband in December 2015: http://tipsynomore.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/guest-post-by-mr-untipsy.html
The post gives a very good description of what it feels like for the other half. For a long time, there is always that little bit of doubt in the back of their head.
I have absolutely no right being narked with my husband. I cannot blame him for not fully trusting me.
I have to be sober for a lot longer than what I have been to earn this trust that I am seeking. I have to realise that I may never earn it. I certainly won't if I ever give in and drink alcohol again.
That will teach me for being smug!
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