Tuesday 6 July 2021

Four Years of Freedom

 Almost four years ago I stopped drinking alcohol.  After drinking a bottle of wine and (I think) a half bottle of neat vodka, I made a real fool of myself at home.  I spoke for 20 minutes to my mother on Facetime, I fell against a wall - bashing my head, I soiled myself and my Husband and younger daughter had to change me and put me back to bed.  I don’t remember any of it.  I sometimes get little flashes of what may be a memory, but I’m not sure if they are real.


This was my real ‘rock bottom’ after several almost rock bottoms.  This was the point that I knew if I didn’t quit the booze, my Husband and two children would leave me and I would end up dead.


So, four years later despite the difficulties of the past year, here I am:  Sober, happy, healthy and free. 


The biggest bonus, for me, of being sober has to be the freedom it gives you.  The mental freedom of not having to think about the next drink:  When can I drink?  How much can I drink?  Where will the money come from?  Alcohol dependence/alcoholism ran my entire life for so long.  Giving it up lifted a huge boulder from my shoulders so that I could breathe out a massive “Ahhhh!”.


I’ve lost a couple of friendships along the way.  For my benefit, I can’t be around people who drink to excess, but I have found new friendships.


I still have an issue with past feelings of guilt randomly, but I use these ‘flashbacks’ as ‘play forwards’, to remind myself of how I was and what I will become should I drink alcohol.  There will never be any moderation for me.  I’m wise enough to know that I’d be incapable of this.


To sum it up, the benefits of being sober are immeasurable.  I wish I’d never have let myself get so bad.  I wish I’d done it sooner. 


And, you know, if I can stop drinking and stay sober then so can you

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