Drinking dreams

Last night I had a 'drinking dream'.  The first that I have had for a long time.  I remember it clearly, like it actually happened.

It wasn't a good drinking dream - one where I am enjoying just the one glass of wine.  No, this one was reminiscent of what life was like before becoming sober.  In it I had a bottle of my favourite red wine and a large wine glass.  I knew I was sober, that I shouldn't be drinking, but I was desperate.  I quickly poured the first glass and drank it quickly and secretly and then I hid the rest of the bottle for later.  I then spent some time trying to act sober in front of my family.  I also 'appeared' in a supermarket and bought a huge bottle of Amaretto liquer 'for a friend's birthday'.  Then, later on when the effect of the first drink had worn off and I was sober, I realised that I had to find the hidden bottle so that I could dispose of it before Mr W found it.  Only, I couldn't find it!  I searched everywhere I could think of ..... I was panicking and anxious (I HAD to find this bottle) and then I woke up.

I woke up feeling the same way I used to every day before I decame sober:  Feeling shitty, hungover, ashamed and tense because I had drunk alcohol (albeit in my dream).  My jaw and teeth hurt because I've been grinding my teeth.

It took me a little while to realise that it was a dream - just that and nothing else.  I've still been sober for almost 13 months.  I felt relief.

If I am honest, this dream has shaken me.  I had thought that I was passed this stage and I don't know what may have affected my sub-conscious to prompt me to have a drinking dream.  Other than yesterday, when there seemed to be a huge amount of posts about Gin on Facebook, there is nothing that stands out as a trigger.

I'm hoping this type of dream doesn't happen again and I am reinforcing to myself today that I have been sober for 393 days and that I WILL continue to be sober.

Drinking dreams can bugger off!