The art of saying "No, thank you"

My one year soberversary passed on 7 July 2018 without fanfare or without comment nor acknowledgment from Mr W or the girls.  Inside, I was cheering and congratulating myself but I appreciate that for my immediate family it's just another day in the office.  What is a massive milestone and achievement for me is nothing to them and that's just the way it is.  Still though, I knew the wine witch was lurking which surprised me a little - she's not been all that vocal recently (a quick flip of my middle finger and she usually goes).  She kept popping up every now and then throughout the day to tell me I didn't have a problem at all with alcohol - I've not touched booze for a whole year.  You're cured!  You can moderate!  Mmmmm - yeah right!

Anyway, back to the subject heading!

Mr W and I enjoyed our holiday abroad:  It was a fairly quiet resort with not a lot going on and our hotel was fabulous.  We went half board rather than all inclusive, so that we were not completely tied to the hotel.  

However, alcohol seemed to be featured a lot in this hotel.  No kidding, you could even have cava for breakfast!  

Firstly, when we arrived to check in we were offered a glass of Cava, but I declined politely, said it was a little early in the day for us and asked if they had water instead.  Mr W, actually seemed to take offence when he was offered and was (I thought) a little abrupt "No!  We don't drink!" is what he said.  We did get a strange look, but yes, they had water and we were subsequently given a glass.  There were also a number of 'themed nights' for the evening meal and when you walked into the restaurant/dining room you were offered a cocktail ..... sangria, marguarita, etc.  I felt a little 'displaced' on our first evening trip to the dining area when I was offered a drink.  I asked what it was and was informed it was Sangria, I asked if it contained alcohol (although why, I don't know - of course it did).  No, they didn't have a non alcoholic alternative and no, there was no water available.

Bearing in mind that I am the one that had a major problem with alcohol, I think I have learned the art of saying "No, thanks - not for me" (or similar) quite well.  I don't feel the need to explain myself to complete strangers and nor do I want to.  However, Mr W was a completelty different kettle of fish and I would have to try and speak first before he did.  When I was too slow, he'd exclaim "No! We don't drink" and worse (on one occasion):  "No!  We are sober".  

I feel awful, for saying this out loud, but it was plain embarrassing and awkward.  I did, nicely, try to explain that we don't have to give a reason for our refusal - we just have to say no thank you or not for me.... easy!  No-one cares if we don't want a drink of booze.

There was one evening that was extremely awkward because of Mr W and I really cringed.  We went to the Hotel's posh restaurant for a meal and we were brought a cocktail.  Mr W  looked very annoyed (are these waiters and waitresses meant to be physic?) but I managed to jump in first and ask if they contained alcohol.  Yes, they did so I asked if they had an alcohol free one - not a problem Madam.  The waitress who brought the replacements remarked that they were AF and asked if we were having a night off from alcohol.  Mr W remarked "No! We just don't drink anymore, we're not like some of these people that just go on holiday to drink you know! And, you can take these wine glasses and wine list away too".  I mean, WTF!!  Was there any need?  The waitress scuttled off.  I was seriously mortified and told him so.  I felt as though he was he was drawing attention to the fact that we are sober and I felt ashamed of this.  I know there is no reason why I should feel ashamed but Mr W could do with a lesson or three in diplomacy because he is seriously lacking in that department.

If I'm honest I am a little irritated that it is presumed that everyone drinks alcohol and there is a woeful lack of any alternative.  In another restaurant/pub, I asked for their mocktail list.  They didn't have one, I was told to choose one from the cocktail list and they would leave the alcohol out.

I did have a little snigger to myself at one point though:  I received an email from the Hotel mid stay asking how our stay was so far and if I had any comments/suggestions for them that might make ours and other guest's stays nicer.  I mentioned that it would be lovely if they could offer guests a non-alcoholic alternative on their themed nights in their restaurant.  The next day, I had a note pushed under our room door thanking me for my suggestion.  As a thank you, they were enclosing a voucher .... 10% off my next bottle of wine!  Really!

Hiding Places

I'm going on holiday in a couple of days, but when we get back we are having some work done to the house so I have been desperately trying to sort out my holiday clothes (unfortunately none of them fit anymore due to the weight gain) and clearing out a storage cupboard that is crammed full of ... shit  .... to make way for new pipework, etc.

I pulled out a couple of refuse sacks filled with old Christmas decorations, an old vacuum cleaner that doesn't work (why do we keep this stuff), The Husbands golf caddy that was used twice .... and came across a bottle of red wine - opened with only about an inch of the stuff left in the bottom.  I'd come across a former hiding place.  I know it has been there for at least a year (seeing as I am 361 days sober), but I immediately remembered knowing that I had hidden a bottle of wine somewhere in that cupboard but not being able to find it when I went looking for it to get rid of the evidence (I'd have swigged the rest of the wine first).  My next thought was that I must have been a contortionist to have put it where it was .... or very determined not to get caught out.  Then I felt shame:  How bad had I become?

But, you know I hid booze everywhere in the house.  I was an expert at it.  Some of you lovely sober people out there might identify with these hiding places (if, indeed you did hide booze like me):

• In plain sight - in a water bottle in my handbag (no-one would dare go in to my handbag).
• In my wardrobe.... this is where my husband found my empty water bottle that had been filled with vodka.
• In my knicker drawer ... under my knickers.  Not long ago, when having a clothes clearout, I did come across a pair of knickers stained with red wine.... Gross!
• Under my bed, hidden in unused handbags.
• In the bathroom cabinet where I store towels.  I'd hide the bottle underneath all the towels.
• In my daughters bedrooms when they weren't at home.
• In the kitchen cupboards .... right at the back where you need an extra long arm to reach something.
• In the car .... underneath the seats or in the box I keep in the boot.  These were usually the empties, so that I could dispose of them somewhere else other than home.
• In the garden .... this was a pretty good place when I smoked.  It worked better when the nights got darker earlier (Autumn and Winter) I'd get home from work and squirrel the bottle of whatever behind a plant pot.  Then, when I went outside for a cigarette, I would have a sneaky drink too.  I used to fall over in the garden loads of times and face plant the grass.

I have to hand it to myself - I was pretty resourceful!  All of this was so that my husband and daughters wouldn't see how much I was drinking.  How awful is that?

Luckily, I found the hidden bottle of wine and not my husband - that would have been AWKWARD!  I still have that element of sneakiness about me though - I emptied the remaining wine out (it was definately off) and disposed of the empty bottle in the external refuse bin .... right at the bottom.

I did beat myself up a bit about finding the bottle and then remembering/thinking of all my other hiding places, but this morning I have picked myself up and given myself the frame of mind that "That was in the past - things have moved on, I've sober for almost one year and ... I wasn't as clever as I thought I was - If I were, I'd have gotten rid of that bottle long before now."