As of today I have been sober for 38 weeks... That's 266 days, or almost 9 months!
I have, on occasion, wondered if I would ever be able to moderate or become a 'normal' drinker of alcohol. You know, just have the one small glass of wine on a special occasion. Enjoy a cocktail or two on holiday..... But, then I think how mentally exhausting I would find that. I don't think my brain is wired up to be a normal drinker.... Is there even such a thing?
Being 'normal' means that you don't even think about drinking and, to my mind, if you are even thinking out loud that you are 'normal' then you are not.
I most definitely could not moderate. The endless thinking about drinking/not drinking, the judging of myself. Just having one? Absolutely not me - it would drive me bonkers.
This is why I must remain sober forever more. Being sober is so much more fulfilling than being an alcohol soaked wreck of a woman.
Mr W was a a 'normal' drinker. He could have just the one, or more often than not - none. When I quit drinking, he did too. I didn't ask him and it was never discussed. He just didn't drink anymore. To be honest, I'm pleased he did because I think I've coped better.
What I have noticed is that The Husband cannot stand anyone drinking alcohol anymore. If someone mentions having a drink of booze or brags on Facebook about having a great night out on the lash he can actually be quite derisory about it. You can almost see him turning his nose up. I feel quite sad and guilty about his feelings towards alcohol. I'm sure he has them because of me.
I have noticed that, as time goes on, I am also beginning to feel really negative about people drinking. It's not that I dislike or hate the fact that people drink the stuff - it's more that I don't see the point in drinking alcohol. I drank it purely to get drunk, so that I would sleep/pass out, so I can't fathom yet why people drink it to have a good time or to relax. I am really beginning to see alcohol for what it truly is: a toxin, a drug, a poison.
I'm wondering if it's normal to be feeling like this? I really don't want to be dead set against alcohol - or pious about it.... But it's very hard not to be when you know the damage it can do, when you have been the one causing the damage because you can't control your drinking.
My husband was a normie and gave up drinking to support me, too!
ReplyDeleteI find it normal to go through an I Hate Alcohol phase.
In reality, we don't need it, and it causes much damage in people's lives. In the US 88,000 people died last year due to alcohol and it's complications.
But I realize many people can and do drink a just a bit.
I try not to get preachy about it because it doesn't help anyone get sober.
Big Hugs for 38 Weeks!!!
xo
wendy
I don't know how I'll feel the longer I stay sober, towards those that drink. My husband likes to drink. He can moderate, two or three beers and he's done. Occasionally, if it's a long event of some sort, meaning 6 hours or more, he'll have a bit more, but never to where he's drunk out of his mind and/or blacks out. He has slowed down with the amount of times he drinks, and that's because of me, which is good. But on another note, he thinks I can "learn" to drink normally. That's what happened to me on Friday. It's a story in itself, but needless to say, it didn't work out. I got drunk. It wasn't worth it. The only good thing about it, it stopped me from thinking I could drink normal. I can't.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Wendy, "preachy" and/or no tolerance for those who drink doesn't help anyone stop. Understanding does.
Congratulations on almost 9 months! I can't wait to get there!
I've been noticing how many food outlets promote themselves with drinks, and how many ads - on streets, buses, hotel lift walls - there are for drinking that I never really noticed before. It's like red car syndrome but for booze.
ReplyDeleteWell done you for nine whole months, what a landmark!
Bec
It takes one to know one. I feel like I can suss out those that abuse alcohol vs normies in a snap. And it’s sad because I clearly see many of the parents at social events (dad’s usually) that obviously are in trouble. It makes me feel uncomfortable, takes me out of the moment knowing and thinking hey, Darrick over there is in for trouble. It’s hard to enjoy parties bbq camping etc in a relaxed manner being aware that your friends are abusing poison. How do you relax around that? Even when I am abusing alcohol myself I know it in the back of my head and am aware of who around me has a problem. Being drunk helps me blow it off- like relax it’s no big deal . But sober living and attending alcohol oriented gatherings doesn’t really add up.its a dilemma.
ReplyDeleteJust to clarify I meant whilst sober, as I am at the moment, it’s challenging and upsetting to see friends drink.
DeleteI am counting on this feeling! When I quit smoking I became derisive about smoking. Many years later, I feel bad for those who smoke but don't condemn. I am 6 days sober now and pray I become derisive about alcohol, then just stop thinking about it-just as I did with smoking. Today is Saturday. Yesterday was my first Friday. My husband brought me 4 beers (the large kind, so really 8). I hid them and poured a large glass of tonic/cranberry juice over ice. That was so refreshing and allowed me to not drink. Soooo, today is Saturday and those beers are still hidden. I am planning on attending church then cranberry juice again tonight. How ironic I am hiding FULL cans of beer from my husband! Why? This time I feel like I might actually stay sober and I am not ready to discuss it with him. He knows I am drastically cutting down. He knows I don't drink during the week. He feels I can on the weekend, similar to Lea above. I don't want another day 1 but he sees no problem with that.
ReplyDelete