Almost One Year Sober

On the 7th July 2018 I will have been sober for one whole year!  Who'd have thought it?

This year, I'll be celebrating my one year sober anniversary sunning myself on a hot sandy beach.  It's something I would not be doing if I was still drinking.  I wouldn't have been able to afford it.

I've spent the last couple of days reflecting about the last year:  how I've coped, how being sober has benefitted me (and those around me) and what would have happened had I not stopped drinking.

I have to say that I am almost grateful that I had my personal 'rock bottom' moment.  It is still very fresh in my memory and, whenever I begin to romanticise my drinking days, I think of this time and of other times.  These memories still make me feel incredibly shameful.  I suppose it's one of my sober tools.  I do think this 'sober tool' of shaming myself isn't going to be good for me in the long term - I mean, how long should I beat myself up for?  I am beginning to concentrate on the many, many good things of being sober:  I can go to watch a film late at night and drive home.  I can pick my husband up at midnight.  On Monday night, I picked my younger daughter up from a concert.  BECAUSE I WAS SOBER!

I have no doubt that, had that night not happened, I would have continued to drink and I would have just gotten better at hiding it - especially the water bottles filled with vodka.  Who knows where I'd be.  Perhaps I would be like my friend's husband who has severe liver disease.  Perhaps my husband would have left me.  Perhaps my two wonderful daughters were not speaking to me.  Perhaps I might have lost my job.  Perhaps ..................

But, BECAUSE I AM SOBER, my relationship with my family has improved immensely, my finances are looking up and I am healthy.

Best of all:  I AM FREE!  I can honestly say that it is so liberating and such a weight off my shoulders that I no longer have to think about how, where, when and why I am going to get my next drink.

This last year hasn't been plain sailing - of course it hasn't.  Stopping drinking means you have to change yourself.  You have to give yourself a good hard look and a damn good shake.  You have to admit that you cannot moderate.  Alcohol is not good for you and you cannot ever drink booze again.  That is incredibly hard, but it does get easier when you start to see the benefits.

I am truly excited to see what the next year holds for me.  Whether there are ups and downs, I am prepared.  I know I can handle it.  BECAUSE I AM SOBER AND FREE! XX

Should your partner stop drinking alcohol to support you, when you quit?

I realise that the subject heading of my post is a tricky and emotive one, but it's something that I've been thinking about for a couple of weeks now.  In fact, I've been overthinking about it and I really, really need to get it off my chest!

Firstly, I would like to say that I have absolutely no experience in the subject - just my feelings and thoughts which are based on the fact that, when I stopped drinking booze, Mr W did too.

I never asked him to stop and I never expected him too either.  He just did.  When we were on holiday (in the days after I quit) he had one pint of lager.  He didn't enjoy it and didn't even finish it ..... but then he was a 'normal' drinker.

Consequently, I have never had to deal with the emotions of watching him with envy enjoying a glass of wine or a pint of lager.

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my friend's husband who has severe liver disease.  I posted about us finding him lying in a pool of blood in the bathroom.

He had what is called a split, bleeding varices (again - he's had one on an earlier occasion).  Apparently, his liver is so damaged and scarred that his blood is having a really hard time moving through it.  Blood needs to find a new easier way to get to the heart, so it has done this by opening up new blood vessles (varices).  These vessels are usually formed along the lining of the stomach - so when one splits and bleeds massively, you vomit and shit blood.  Sounds fun, doesn't it?

He needed an operation to seal the split vessel.  He has been told he must never drink alcohol again (again).  Next time, he may not be so lucky.

I met my friend on Friday night to go to a cheap and cheerful Italian restaurant for a pizza and a catch up.  She's been pretty desperate to have a break from her family.  She promptly ordered a bottle of white wine and when I reminded her that I was drinking cola, she said that was fine she would drink it.  And drink it she did.

Naturally, talk turned to her husband's health.  It appears that they are both in denial about various things.  He denies drinking that day .... apparently the vodka filled water bottle was from a time before - when he was "over doing the drinking".  I reminded her that the top was off the bottle.  Why would that be?  She doesn't know that I KNOW all of the tricks!  I've been there and done that!  I was very tempted to tell her all and it was only my pride that stopped me.

I pointed to her glass of wine and asked her if she was still drinking at home in front of her husband.  "Oh, yes - of course I am.  He doesn't mind." was the response "I buy the boxes of wine that hold about three bottles, so I know roughly how long they should last me."  To be honest, I was a little stuck for words, so just initially said "are you sure that's a good idea?"

There is one massive red flag right there for me:  She is buying boxes of wine when her husband has alcohol related liver damage and is possibly struggling with remaining sober.

A little while later I did pluck up the courage to suggest that she not purchase boxes of wine and instead buys a bottle at a time - at least then she can gauge what it left -  if any is left.  I know how easy it is just to sneak that extra glass with out anyone knowing.  I also tried to suggest that it may be better if she didn't drink wine in front of him for a little while but she just retorted that he doesn't mind - he hasn't got a problem with alcohol - he was just over doing it..... (See - denial?)

I get that what they choose to do in their own lives is nothing to do with me, but on the other hand I know that giving up and staying off booze is bloody hard work.  I don't want to sound pious, but you need all of the support you can get when you decide to quit the booze.

I'm pretty sure that it can't be 'no problem' for her husband when she is quaffing wine around him.

I can quite happily socialise now around people who are drinking alcohol, but I do think my sobriety would have been much, much harder if Mr W had continued to drink alcohol.  Who knows if I would have even been able to continue with it?

I suppose that all I can do at this stage is hang back and be there if I am ever needed.