Sabotage and an unfunny 'joke' that ends up in a falling out.

Be warned:  Large rant ahead!

I think I've explained in a previous blog that my step-dad (I call him Dad) is a pretty heavy drinker.  To be honest, he's a bit of a dick when he's drunk (hah!  listen to me being a hypocrite).  My mother does drink alcohol, but (as she tells me often) not very often and she knows her limits.  To be fair, I've not seen my mother drunk for quite a while.

Someday, I might write a post about an incident a good few years ago that involved The Parents and Too Much Booze.  This was before alcohol became a problem for me.

Anyway, The Parents, myself and Mr W used to often get together on a Saturday night at each others houses for 'nibbles' and, of course, lots of booze (with the exception of Mr W who mostly drank very little).

About a year ago, the hubby and I started to put the brakes on these get togethers mainly because we got fed up with my step-dad and his behaviour.  I think he has the notion that if it's for free you can fill your boots.  He'd guzzle those cans of lager like it was going out of fashion.  Then he'd get all repetitive, sloppy and slurry.  Then he would be over the top and then belligerent.  For some reason I would always watch my intake of wine on these nights - probably because I was conscious that my husband and mother would be able to see exactly what I was drinking.

So, since I stopped drinking we haven't had a 'get together night'.  Dad has been at us for ages to organise one.  I decided that I was 'strong' enough to resist the wine witch so I organised a night at The Parents.  I explained to my mother that I hadn't drunk booze for some time and I was quite happy as I was, so I'd bring my own sparkling elderflower cocktail drink that I make myself.  Luckily, mother didn't press me too much about the not drinking thing.  Whilst I know she's aware of my dependency on alcohol, I've never really spoken to her about it and I have certainly never announced my intentions to never drink again to her or my Dad, although they do know that I'm off the booze.  I also knew that we could leave when we wanted to.

On Saturday night, off we went to The Parents.  Mr W had decided not to drink alcohol - he said it wouldn't be fair on me, which was very nice of him - so we arrived with my A F cocktail kit and his bottle of Coca Cola.

Straight off the bat, my Dad tried to pressure me into having a glass of wine.  When I said no thanks, he made me a wine spritzer anyway.  I explained again (feeling awkward) that I wasn't drinking any alcohol because I didn't like it anymore.  Mr W piped up and made up the excuse that I was the designated driver that night in case we had to be taxi drivers for the girls.

The rest of the night went well after that.  I noticed that my mother seemed to drink quite a bit (she had a couple of glasses of wine but then moved onto vodka and tonic because the wine was giving her heartburn) but she tried some of the Elderflower and apple cocktail that I had made.  My Dad on the other hand drank like a fish.  As the night wore on, my Dad started to get on everyone's nerves a bit.  (I know, I'm coming across as being really intolerant of him and I know I'm being a massive hypocrite .... I just can't stand that sort of behaviour anymore)  The husband and I said we'd have one more game of cards then we'd best get away home.  I got up to go into the kitchen to get the remainder of my jug of cocktail out of the fridge, poured some into my glass and went to sit back down with everyone else in the diningroom.  I took a sip of my cocktail and swallowed.  It was only then that I realised that it had alcohol in.  I could taste vodka.  I literally felt sick.  My husband said that I physically turned white.

I calmly put my glass down and asked "Who put vodka into my cocktail?".  I could tell immediately by the look on her face that it wasn't my mother.  She asked to try it and agreed there was vodka in it.  She then got up and checked her bottle of vodka that in the fridge.  She said it looked like some had been emptied out.  There was only my dad who could have done it.  I asked him why.  He laughed and said "Fancy that, pouring yourself a sly vodka and blaming me!".  Of course, my husband looked at me so I said that I was hardly going to pour myself a sly vodka and then announce that someone had spiked my cocktail!  My dad then said it "was just a joke".  Of course, I told him that it wasn't funny in the slightest and that he had no right to do what he did.

Unfortunately, it did turn a bit ugly.  My mother seemed to side with my step-dad that it was just a bit of fun.  They couldn't really see what the problem is.  I told them that they had no right to try and trick me.  My god - what if I had been really struggling?  I could have just drank it and said nothing and put myself right back at square one!

We left pretty sharpish, particularly after my mother said that it wouldn't have been an issue if I wasn't a plonky (her actual words unfortunately).  I said that seeing as she was talking about plonkies, she should take the opportunity and look closer to home.  My husband called the pair of them a disgrace.

I admit that when I got in the car, I cried my eyes out.  I am so disgusted and disappointed in my parents.  I'm especially disappointed that my mother can come out with such a nasty bitchy comment - drunk or not.

Even though my dad has told my sister that I snuck a drink myself and blamed him (WTF!), I have not spoken to The Parents since.  I can't.  I am too angry with them and I think I may be for some time.  They have also not contacted me.

I will not allow that one sip of booze to set me back.  It tasted bloody vile BTW.

Who the hell gave him the right to try and sabotage my sobriety?

Should I expect an apology from the parents or rise above this shitty behaviour and forget about it?  You know - pretend nothing has happened?  I don't know.  I need to take some more time to think it over.

It's a new day, it's a new life ......

This morning as I left the house (in a rush as usual) it was still pretty dark and it was 'sleeting', windy and cold.  My younger daughter who hadn't yet left the house for work shouted "Love you Mum!" at me and as I got into the car I was suddenly hit by the realisation that I feel truly 'alive'.  I appreciate everything that I have in my life all the more now that I am AF and have broken free of those chains that held me back.

A song that I love 'Feeling Good' (Sung originally by Nina Simone and then by Michael Buble and Muse) popped into my head - in particular the first two verses that I know off by heart:  

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Breeze driftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Now that I am sober, these are some of the things in life that are much, much better:

• The relationship with my husband and children.  Even after all I have put them through, they still love me.  This in itself has made me love them even more.
• My memory.  I can remember conversations I've had the night before.  I can remember the arrangements I have made - no more blackouts for me.
• My health.  Although I've put on loads of weight (I'm not worrying about that at the minute), my general health is tons better.  No more pains in my liver and kidney area (or chest for that matter).  I look healthier.  My skin has a glow.  My hair is better.  I've not had a cold yet either - despite lots of other people around me having one (I usually catch everything going).  My anxiety has all but disappeared.
• My finances.  I'm not spending a fortune on booze (or cigarettes either).  I don't feel anxious anymore about how much money is in the bank.  
• I can stay awake longer than 9pm at night, which means I can enjoy a chill night watching a film .... All the way though!!! .... Without passing out pissed.  
• My physical relationship with my husband.  I hated not being able to remember if me and my husband had had sex the night before.  Towards the end of my drinking, we hardly ever had sex (that's all it became ...).  I may have well  have not been there.... I was probably as animated as a blow up doll!

And, I love this time of year!  The time of year when it is changing from Autumn into Winter.  Frosty mornings, a nip in the air.  In the past, I've been too preoccupied to really take note of the weather.  

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life .... And I'm feeling good!